Mom to Mom

M2M: How to navigate having a pre-teen come out?

My 13 year old has recently told me that she does not like boys, and that when she thinks about being married it’s to another girl. At first I thought it was a stage but I don’t want her to think I’m being closed minded. How do I navigate having a possibly gay child?

First things first: Congratulations!

You are a very lucky mom to have your child feel comfortable enough to talk to you about this as she is feeling it, there are so many kids that are uncomfortable talking about needing anything (much less questioning who they ideally would like to spend the rest of their lives with.)


Learn: I can not stress this enough because not only is she a teenager and going through changes, but she is very well will be going them differently than you did (due to asking the question I assume youre straight). Join a parents group on facebook, read up some, network with parents on what they had done and their outcomes good or bad, if you have any friends who may also be apart of the LBGQT+ community ask them what their parents did or could have done.

Listen: You’re even more of an example now so as much as she may want to talk, listen. Listen to what she tells you even if it seems trivial so that way she knows that she always had her mom in her corner and always will. Even though there may be a screaming match or two in her teen years (She’s gay not immune to hormones) she will eventually grow into a woman who should be with someone who loves and listens to her as much as her mom.

Love:This feels like a given but just in case LOVE HER TO BITS. I know at 13 they are closer to wanting their independence than anything. Being a kid is hard enough, being a kid that may feel different then everyone else is down right scary.

You’ve got this Mama.


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